The Coin Around My Neck

I have written, time and time again, about how I am more suited to other Gods than my dear Elbahn. I have thought, time and time again, about renouncing my claim as a follower. If I treat the coin around my neck as a collar rather than a freedom, then what is the purpose of wearing it?

I am coming, slowly, to terms with the fact that perhaps it is time for me to grow up. I've seen twenty-five Darkfalls and Summers now and the world is not any better for it. A little music goes a long way, and perhaps my words do as well, but I feel as if my words fall on deaf ears and my melodies simply linger above the hubub of the Telanthan Tradgedy.

Its not as if I don't care for Elbahn any longer. That, in my mind, would be synonomous with not caring for Salria, and that my friends, is a abhorrence unto everything I am and ever have been. But perhaps, what I have been is not so honorable that I should cling to it. And perhaps, what I am is simply whiny, and I need to change this. I would like to see what I could be, and see perhaps if I could instill beauty onto this wretched box-city that is and always has been my home. I believe, perhaps, it's worth fighting for.

I don't know. I believe I've been speaking with Heahstan too often for my own static part in this ludicris performance. I shall strive to be a dynamic character! The pleasant bard in the tavern with the charming smile is a brilliant facade, and always has been one of my favourites. But he is a static character, as I've said before, and I...want change.

Perhaps I don't wish to part from Elbahn so completely, if that is truly such a deep-set want in my mind, as he does advocate change. And it's not as if I could bend to my family's wishes and settle into Melchior completely. I think it should be a crime to settle into your faith, anyhow.

Perhaps...I simply wish to be more of a person now, and less of a thing.