[A continuation of the last post]

[There is an arrow pointing back at the page before this one and these words look as if they were penned hurriedly, as if he could simply not get them on the page fast enough]

I spoke briefly with Ethan (and by briefly, I mean a few words) as to why I do things. I don't let casual lovers know things about me. I may never see them again. They may like me, but they do not know me, but I figured, sitting in the snow with the lad, that he deserved a little insight into my heart.
I said, "I do very different things for similar reasons, because I like seeing the people of this city happy." My sister Xia, harsh woman she is, once told me I am a moron for falling in love with Elbahn. She said to me, "Darien, you shouldn't fall in love with a whore," and when I protested, she shushed me to keep me silent, saying, "And hear me out, you big dummy." She's fond of calling me names, but I digress.
Xia's point was this. Elbahn happily encourages trade and wealth and living well, but she seems to think I have locked onto worshiping him beneath the covers like a leech to a dead thing. She says, sooner or later, I will fall off of the body due to the fact that it simply cannot support my needs. She used many curses and degrading terms whilst explaining this, but I forgave her. She's not a gentle lady.
I did, however, tell her she was rude for calling a God a whore, to which she replied, "Money and Sex combined very plainly indicates a whore." though, not so elegantly. Her husband says I should be nicer to her.
When I told Lina of this, she instantly reprimanded Xia for calling Elbahn a whore, but I believe she was only so brave because Xia was not currently in our presence when she did so. However, she seemed to rethink it while she cooked, because over dinner she informed me that while Xia's way of going about things was crude, she was right. I simply despise when Lina agrees with Xia, for that typically means that...well, Xia was right. They never agree on anything.
Lina suggested that I focus more on Melchior, since I'm so fond of all my arts and he is the God of Bards. I quietly ate the rest of my soup before asking her how her sewing was going, and thus the discussion of my faith ended.

Truly Timeless Troubles

If I could give up my love of Elbahn's worship, I almost believe I would. I treat my faith like chains in private, but there is a reason why I wear this coin around my neck and why I smile around any who show interest.

If I could, I would give up all of my secrets to them...but they would hate me. I'm surprised dear Wren did not leave when I told him of Salria...and in fact, he wishes to meet my family! Most likely so he can tell them off for, in his words, 'treating me so badly.' I'm...not treated badly! I love my family and they can be demanding and unyielding, but I love them! However, sometimes I wonder if any but the children and my sisters Lina and Igraine love me anymore. And even then, their affection is sketchy...

Yet that holds no weight with me! I am stronger than that, and I have Wren and a few boys whose company I enjoy quite a bit. It is a bit annoying, however, that my life lacks a significant female presence. The closest thing I have to a female friend anymore is Sulky Sylken, and that is saying something truly tragic. I've not the slightest clue where Jayln has gotten herself to, and it isn't like we were actually friends anyhow...she was more Wren's friend than mine.
It seems Wren has better luck with befriending women, whilst I can only worship with them and then never see them again. Dear boy seems slightly upset that he cannot seem to get into a bed (or broom closet) with any of them, though. I suppose we have opposite problems.

Strength

Wrenbird Wrenbird Wrenbird Wrenbird. I love him so. I need to stop leaving him so often. I need to be stronger than this. I don't care what any of them say, I can be a strong man.