Recently...

I find my hands reaching for comfort in the coin that formerly lounged like a cat around my neck more often than I would like to admit. And none have seemed to notice, save Dryas and Luna, and that was briefly.
I went to see Heahstan again, and that was mildly uneventful. The man needs a bath, and if I continue to think about him for more than a few moments, I feel more affectionate than I should. Which is akin to how I feel around Cylan...who...I kissed last night, and that was...
Well, it just was, and that's that. Cylan is a good kid, who has a girl who is not good for him, who he loves. And he should...concentrate on that. Or perhaps seek out Yay; they seem like they'd make a good pair. I can not and should not become so attached to Cylan that I begin to need him like I did Wren. He's a good friend, and needs to stay that way. Truly!
Though...it sounds as if I'm trying to convince myself of that, doesn't it? We'll see how it plays out.

I've decided two things, though, that you should know of:
1. I need to put my coin back on, if only for comfort and memories, Elbahn bless.
2. I am going out East with Captain Dryas, to see what I can see and help how I can. I need to write him a note....

[The next page is torn out.]

*scrawled quickly*

A darkness of the strangest kind
That slowly creeps into my mind
That I can only keep at bay
With a candle that soon may
Extinguish itself for want of room
and leave me and my lute in gloom
Our times all seem to end too soon
Our times all seem to end...

In this wretched box town
Everybody wears a frown
But I can see the suns through the clouds
In this Darkness filled place
Find comfort in the face
of the Telantha Tradgedy
in which we all a part must play!

The Coin Around My Neck

I have written, time and time again, about how I am more suited to other Gods than my dear Elbahn. I have thought, time and time again, about renouncing my claim as a follower. If I treat the coin around my neck as a collar rather than a freedom, then what is the purpose of wearing it?

I am coming, slowly, to terms with the fact that perhaps it is time for me to grow up. I've seen twenty-five Darkfalls and Summers now and the world is not any better for it. A little music goes a long way, and perhaps my words do as well, but I feel as if my words fall on deaf ears and my melodies simply linger above the hubub of the Telanthan Tradgedy.

Its not as if I don't care for Elbahn any longer. That, in my mind, would be synonomous with not caring for Salria, and that my friends, is a abhorrence unto everything I am and ever have been. But perhaps, what I have been is not so honorable that I should cling to it. And perhaps, what I am is simply whiny, and I need to change this. I would like to see what I could be, and see perhaps if I could instill beauty onto this wretched box-city that is and always has been my home. I believe, perhaps, it's worth fighting for.

I don't know. I believe I've been speaking with Heahstan too often for my own static part in this ludicris performance. I shall strive to be a dynamic character! The pleasant bard in the tavern with the charming smile is a brilliant facade, and always has been one of my favourites. But he is a static character, as I've said before, and I...want change.

Perhaps I don't wish to part from Elbahn so completely, if that is truly such a deep-set want in my mind, as he does advocate change. And it's not as if I could bend to my family's wishes and settle into Melchior completely. I think it should be a crime to settle into your faith, anyhow.

Perhaps...I simply wish to be more of a person now, and less of a thing.