Alight

Alight on the rainiest of days,
We'll see the suns shine through the haze.
Though the Dark will loom and the walls confine,
We shall live to see the suns shine.

Sing Ho, Hey
Alight on the days
Have hope
Wish the rain away
Sing Ho, Hey
Each night and each day
Have faith and the rain goes away.

Alight on the taverns and homes.
We'll see the same as we know.
Through the gloom, I've hope in our kind.
We'll live to see the suns shine.

Sing Ho, Hey
Alight on the days
Have hope
Wish the rain away
Sing Ho, Hey
Each night and each day
Have faith and the rain goes away.

Recently...

I find my hands reaching for comfort in the coin that formerly lounged like a cat around my neck more often than I would like to admit. And none have seemed to notice, save Dryas and Luna, and that was briefly.
I went to see Heahstan again, and that was mildly uneventful. The man needs a bath, and if I continue to think about him for more than a few moments, I feel more affectionate than I should. Which is akin to how I feel around Cylan...who...I kissed last night, and that was...
Well, it just was, and that's that. Cylan is a good kid, who has a girl who is not good for him, who he loves. And he should...concentrate on that. Or perhaps seek out Yay; they seem like they'd make a good pair. I can not and should not become so attached to Cylan that I begin to need him like I did Wren. He's a good friend, and needs to stay that way. Truly!
Though...it sounds as if I'm trying to convince myself of that, doesn't it? We'll see how it plays out.

I've decided two things, though, that you should know of:
1. I need to put my coin back on, if only for comfort and memories, Elbahn bless.
2. I am going out East with Captain Dryas, to see what I can see and help how I can. I need to write him a note....

[The next page is torn out.]

*scrawled quickly*

A darkness of the strangest kind
That slowly creeps into my mind
That I can only keep at bay
With a candle that soon may
Extinguish itself for want of room
and leave me and my lute in gloom
Our times all seem to end too soon
Our times all seem to end...

In this wretched box town
Everybody wears a frown
But I can see the suns through the clouds
In this Darkness filled place
Find comfort in the face
of the Telantha Tradgedy
in which we all a part must play!

The Coin Around My Neck

I have written, time and time again, about how I am more suited to other Gods than my dear Elbahn. I have thought, time and time again, about renouncing my claim as a follower. If I treat the coin around my neck as a collar rather than a freedom, then what is the purpose of wearing it?

I am coming, slowly, to terms with the fact that perhaps it is time for me to grow up. I've seen twenty-five Darkfalls and Summers now and the world is not any better for it. A little music goes a long way, and perhaps my words do as well, but I feel as if my words fall on deaf ears and my melodies simply linger above the hubub of the Telanthan Tradgedy.

Its not as if I don't care for Elbahn any longer. That, in my mind, would be synonomous with not caring for Salria, and that my friends, is a abhorrence unto everything I am and ever have been. But perhaps, what I have been is not so honorable that I should cling to it. And perhaps, what I am is simply whiny, and I need to change this. I would like to see what I could be, and see perhaps if I could instill beauty onto this wretched box-city that is and always has been my home. I believe, perhaps, it's worth fighting for.

I don't know. I believe I've been speaking with Heahstan too often for my own static part in this ludicris performance. I shall strive to be a dynamic character! The pleasant bard in the tavern with the charming smile is a brilliant facade, and always has been one of my favourites. But he is a static character, as I've said before, and I...want change.

Perhaps I don't wish to part from Elbahn so completely, if that is truly such a deep-set want in my mind, as he does advocate change. And it's not as if I could bend to my family's wishes and settle into Melchior completely. I think it should be a crime to settle into your faith, anyhow.

Perhaps...I simply wish to be more of a person now, and less of a thing.

Elbahn's Smile, and other Godly Graces

Behold! My hours and hours of slaving away in the taverns has paid off!

Or well...

Eira's right. It's a lie to call what I do work. I sit in taverns and fiddle with my lute as I drink and talk and laugh with the patrons. I love what I do, and thank Melchior for my music! And Elbahn for my luck; as it turns out, one of the women I've been seeing has rather well off friends and she's gone and told them all that I play well.

They're nice enough chaps, but they like to sit around in the Tree, which I must admit, isn't my favourite place. However, I'm not complaining! They pay well.

I've bought a backpack, and now feel...well, more secure than I have since...ever! I know it must sound silly, but it really has brought me peace of mind, a place to put my things where no one can chance upon it and swipe them...Perhaps, in time, I could rent a place with more than one room, as I was telling Eira as I swept her away to the little hovel I stay in now. It would be lovely to have something like that..or maybe, just rent the place I'm in now. And buy a lock! Ohh, it's splendid.

It's all very splendid, as life tends to be when you're absent minded. Eira's splendid as well, and I do so adore her darling silver tongue. Her wit is what makes me continue to wish to be with her. I like her quite a bit, and I can be silly around her! It's a joyous freedom!

Ohh, but I do so wish she'd stop lugging verbal daggers at dear Heahstan. The only male friend I've left to my awkward little circle of trust, and Eira's trying to spoil him. Sure, he can be up and about himself at times, but as well as all of us! And he's just trying to help. I know that Eira doesn't think she needs help, but if you surreptitiously give it to her between kisses, than she typically is quite fine with it.

I just...feel bad for poor Heahstan. I do believe him when he says he's spoken with Cymur, that he's been given a job to do. I know how it is to sacrifice your personal comfort for the love of your God, at the very least. Run out of my home, the ultimate loss of my dear, sweet Salria. I'm estranged from my family and my lust has led me down some strange paths, but ultimately, I adore Elbahn and it's not going to change. I may not understand the gravity of what Heahstan has to say, but I'm willing to listen, at the very least. He is my friend, after all, and I care about him something fierce.

Hmph. But it does bring about that stupid little argument in my mind, as I sit on my cot in the relative darkness of the hovel I stay in. A night with Eira is nice; Katska and Ethan, Orabelle, Frederick, Wren..but ultimately I find myself alone. Call me a sap if you will, but it would be amazingly nice to wake up beside someone who isn't hasty to get dressed and flee.

I was speaking with Arienne at the Wraith the other night about this. She says I'm far too nice, too caring and to sentimental to truly be an Elbahnite. "You're too sweet; you seem more suited to Melchior, for your music, or Ylessa, for your love."
Well....perhaps...Perhaps I'm more suited for more loving gods, but they do not call to my heart as Elbahn does. Perhaps I seem more suited to them because I was raised in a house of Ylessan girls, shuffled to a household of Melchiorites and the finally booted out into the world with only Elbahn on my side.
I'm not sour about it. My love is awkward, but I am awkward nevertheless. I love my life, as tumultuous as it is.

Masterwork Paintbrush

My life is dull and colourless as of late. Few things have splashed paint onto the canvas of my life this summer so far and I'm beginning to fear that it will be a dull grey spot on the painting that will finish when I'm in Anwnn. I met a girl, who I was going to help out, but it seems she's slipped away from me, and I've made friends with a delicious young man named Cylan. He's got a fantastic voice that enticed me to sing. Me! Sing!
I did so miss my lute.
But missing my lute made me miss Wren and chatting with Orabelle while holding Ricar just ate at my heart. I would so love to have a family, espcially with Wren...like -that- would be possible.

Missing my lute leads to missing Wren and missing Wren leads to missing Frederick, for dear Frederick has a way of putting my mind in another place. Lovely Frederick, how I miss him so. I've not seen him in positively ages.
I had a daydream of him the other day. We were lying in bed and he was falling asleep, as he is prone to do and I kissed him and he frowned at me and rolled over, saying, "That's enough lad." I never said it was an impressive tale, but it made me feel a bit better.
Something else that would let me feel more secure would be if I paid rent to stay in the hovel I'm in now. And a lock, and a backpack. I should backpeddal and see if any of my "Get rich quick" schemes would pan out if I paid attention to them. I doubt I'll ever be commited to anything other than my music, but I might...wash dishes or cook or something...Cooking would be nice. I'm decent at that.

Heh. "That's enough lad."

Enticingly, Eira

Yesterday was Elday. It began easily enough. I was woken up at first light on the Southern wall by Jordan tapping at my door and insisting I let him in. After getting dressed and informing him that no, I wasn't coming back to live with him ever, I was unhappily carted away towards his house a ways north. Eventually, he let go of my arm, expecting me to follow and going on about how he's changed and Regina's made a lovely breakfast, won't you join us?
I slipped away. The man probably expected it, to tell the truth, else he wouldn't have let go of me. Heading back home, my stomach allowed me the painful reminder that I hadn't eaten in a day or two, so I took a left on Smith's Way and took to humming a song Wren liked as I made a quick stride for the Rose.
What I didn't expect was a sloppy drunk Eira falling into my arms. Now, I'd only met this woman once a very long time ago, but even as silly as she looked falling all over herself, she was still very beautiful.
But by the Suns, I was still hungry. With the last of the lingering coins in my bag, I bought myself one of their delicious omelettes and Eira another glass of wine. Gave dear Rianya a kiss and my last two pennies and carted Eira back to my place so she could sober up.
Now, I can honestly say that it was my full intention not to sleep with this woman. She couldn't stand, she couldn't walk, she reeked of wine and she couldn't even sit up. But let's just say she makes a persuasive argument, akin to "sleep with me or I'm leaving," not so much in words, but more in actions, like falling over herself to get to the door when I explained that she was far too drunk to worship and that she should sober up a bit. When I tried to help her up from the bed, she fell forward, I fell backward and let's just...leave it at that.
However, I believe Elbahn would be pleased. Merry Elday, no?